A POPULAR dwarf entertainer claims he was set on fire during an AFL club's Mad Monday celebrations.In the first reports the dwarf was said to be wearing a bear suit, which would have added a far greater gravity to the St Kilda player's alleged assault by stove lighter. Still, no thoroughly modern and sensitive member of the AFL community, let alone the Fat Wog himself, should condone such mischief with gales of unrestrained laughter.
Yet that is precisely what Andrew Demetriou did when the topic came up on last night's Footy Classifieds. Would he be so callous, do you think, if Andrew Jaspan were sitting beside him?
Dwarfs aren't meant to burn, Mr Demetriou, except during the Multicultural Round, when allowances can be made for very short Buddhist monks.
Demetriou is the man who makes us pay $46 to sit through smoking ceremonies and possum pelt theatrics before matches can begin, who seems intent on ordaining every single AFL round a tribute to anything from solar energy to sodomy -- take your pick or name your own cause because, sooner or later, it is bound to get a gong. (What about a round to hail those who shot down the Bombers with leaks and lies? Or perhaps Demetriou could cast wider his encomiums and celebrate kangaroo courts, reporters suckling on the teat of whispered slanders, and trial by smear and headline.)
This is the holier-than-thou world of conspicuous caring and exquisite sensitivity Demetriou has inflicted on a nobly rough-hewn sport.
Judged by his own proclaimed standards, he must step down immediately.
UPDATE: Thank heavens Kim Duthie no longer has anything to do with the Saints. A hunka-hunka burning dwarf, the St Kilda Schoolgirl and 18 football players fresh from the waxing salon -- such a wild bacchanal could never have been subdued without the assistance of Joel Monaghan and his dog.