Friday, July 27, 2012

Babbling Betty Holds Her Nose


WHEN Silly editrix Amanda Wilson was shown the door some weeks ago, hope soared that the newspaper’s in-house chapter of UOOO -- the Union of Overpromoted Ovary Owners -- would shed a memberette or two.  Surely, it could only be the bonds of sisterhood that had sustained the thick ranks of giddy gals at Fairfax World HQ, for how else to explain the likes of blonde economics writer Jessica Irvine, cut-and-paster A Dill Horin and the mystery of pretentious incoherence that is Betty Farrelly? Alas, several weeks have passed and each member of the trio continues to give womankind’s intelligence a bad name, Farrelly yesterday breaking fresh ground in the quest to write the most obnoxious and patronising  drivel about those not blessed to reside, as does she, in the inner city. Her opportunity to do so arises from the NSW government’s decision to make some changes to the way it operates its archives.

Apparently, up until recently, there was a reading room at The Rocks, where sensitive souls like Farrelly could poke about in the past without having to leave their urban comfort zones. How the reading room operated is a mystery to a Victorian, but one images that visitors would request records and have them couriered into town. If this surmise is wrong, readers are invited to set a Bunyip straight.

Those records are now available only in the suburb of Kingswood, near Penrith, and Farrelly does not like it one bit. Here is how she describes her visit to the suburb, where one guesses she held her nose with one hand while shielding her sophisticate’s eyes with the other: 
Kingswood, five minutes short of Penrith, is a place less forgotten than forgetting. Not to be confused with the Holden of the same name, though of roughly that era, it comprises dozens of lookalike orange-brick bungalows of no particular distinction or offence, neither loose nor organised, untrammelled by any apparent cognisance of either past or future.
How many bong hits went into paragraph? Whatever the number of cones, memories of her Kingwood safari clearly ruined Betty’s buzz, as she won’t let up about the “synchronous barrens” that is Kingswood, which seems an unfair description of homes like these. Modestly priced, yes they are, but not without their charms – one of which is the fact that, sooner or later, the locale’s scorned residents are going to turf out local MP, Labor up-and-comer David Bradbury, on his ear. Gillard’s mob hold the seat of Lindsay by just two-and-a-bit points, so Bradbury’s fate is sealed.

And that is the difference between Babbling Betty and the little people she so contemptuously dismisses. They are smart enough to recognise a loser when they see one. Sadly, the Silly has yet to acquire the same nous.

27 comments:

  1. Great read and love your work Professor!

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  2. Drivel, certainly, but sadly truncated drivel which ends: “We should revere these people […] for they are the seed-keepers of the future.”
    Clearly, some wicked subby has deleted Farrelly’s detailed explanation of what she herself is contributing towards supporting the poetic archivists whom all of us ought to revere and (though seldom in the course of human history has a rational reader exclaimed “I wish Farrelly’s columns were even longer”) I should be interested to read how many hours of volunteering and how much financial support Farrelly provides.

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  3. The Farrellys of this world are a precious lot but she at least had a chance to see some of the areas she has only read (and, no doubt written)about. In her Prius or some such vehicle (heaven forbid that she gets the train as do many thousands of others, the actual wage slaves) she has apparently missed the chance of her lifetime.

    Why, if she merely looked out her window on the way out west – she wouldn’t even have to stare – she could have seen some of the African refugees which, trendy legend has it were ‘in the queue’. She would have definitely seen some of those ‘tradies’ vehicles which her soul-mate Don Watson wants to run over and I think it is astounding that some of those McMansions that David Williamson hates so much weren’t subject of part of her article. What an opportunity missed!
    M Ryutin Sydney

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  4. I have solved it. I know who Bunyip is!
    He is Tom Wolfe's love child.

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  5. Apparently, she audited an "English Studies course" while visiting her last institute of education thingies; perhaps next time she might essay a course of study in the "English Language".

    Cheers

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  6. Kingswood and a Holden ha ha ha chortle, how deliciously funny.

    Kingswood, I'll have everyone know, is home to one of Sydney's finest Dan Murphy's (maybe bested by Richmond on the Hawkesbury), with an unassociated tavern style pub with schnitzel and schooners for $10.

    When the sun's out it is one of the hottest spots to be out Penrith way, making for a delightful day's shopping down Dan's aisles.

    I'd be more than happy to chaperone Farrelly and cohort anytime for a pleasant afternoons drinking out the back of Dan's, amidst shopping trolleys and broken bottles, right behind the St Vincent De Paul clothes bin, then retiring to the tavern for several schooners and a round or two on the pokies.

    How dare she malign my people! Especially hailing a surname that proves that Farrelly and I, and Kingswoodian others, are brothers and sisters. Come home Betty. There's more to this place than meets the eye.

    I'll even regail you with some home town songs, starting with the "Rifles of the IRA", as recorded by the Wolf Tones.

    Iiiin ninetwwn hundrred and sixteen, the forces of the crown, did take the orange, white, and green, bombarded Dublin town, etc

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  7. Betty is telling fibs.. no, I correct that, she's lying.

    "public transport desert of Kingswood"

    The public records office is 400m from Kingswood train station.

    There are buses direct from Penrith or St Mary's train stations that drop you off at the door.

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  8. But that's gone now, and researchers, students, academics and indigenous groups must make their way to the public transport desert of Kingswood.

    Pardon ? Kingswood has a train station.

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    Replies
    1. Why does she have to make mention of 'indigenous groups' as separate from students, academics and researchers? Is the records facility used by 'indigenous groups' for purposes other than study, academia or research?

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  9. Oh Lordy Me. How the xxxxx do this lot get up each morning and look at themselves in the mirror and not throw up.

    Most of us live ordinary lives being productive and raising families without the benefit of inner city idiots. 90% of the worlds population live without the benefit of Betty's ramblings, and are better off for it.

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  10. No-one hates the left more than me, but I must admit that I feel the same way about Kingswood as she does.

    I suppose the difference is that I am a proper right-wing toff and not some blow-in westy/bogan like Farelly.

    Rococo Liberal

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    Replies
    1. Rococo
      I take offence at your reference to blow-in westy/bogan types.
      I grew up in Bankstown.
      I didn't wear a yellow t-shirt nor did I wear racer jeans.

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    2. Elizabeth (Lizzie) B.July 28, 2012 at 9:00 AM

      Hey, don't take offence, Kae. Proper right-wing toffs have their burdens to bear (da Hairy Ape is one of those, Irish-style, so I know) and I think it's turning the tables on Babbling Betty to have her needing to accommodate to Bogan culture in Kingswood Country.

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  11. I've chopped red gum, laid sleepers, milked cows, rousted in mid-summer sheds, dug ditches and lumped bags of cement. None of these chores was harder work than laboring through Bet's babble. Worthy journalism, more than anything else, is easy to read.

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    Replies
    1. 'laid sleepers'? Isn't the Albinoid Assange accused of something like that??

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    2. "'laid sleepers'? Isn't the Albinoid Assange accused of something like that??"

      That, my friend, is pure gold :)

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    3. Yep, hat's off for that one...

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  12. Professor, you've no idea how happy I am to learn that the arrogant little shit David Bradbury will be taken out with the trash when next we are allowed to vote.

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  13. Professor,

    you are spot on about the delivery of records from Kingswood to the Rocks reading room.

    Mind you I've struck similar doing some reserach in Victora.

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  14. Elizabeth (Lizzie) B.July 27, 2012 at 4:03 PM

    "When window-lamps had dwindled, then I rose
    and left the town behind me; and on my way
    passing a certain door I stopt, remembering
    how once I stood on its threshold, and my life
    was offer'd to me, a road how different
    from that of the years since gone!"
    Christopher Brennan, 1913, The Wanderer.

    I lived very near Kingswood in childhood and then at Mt. Druitt as a teenager. Both were and still are very fine places full of good people and bad, like anywhere else. I left, fled actually, very young. I have been back only once, to visit ghosts. Elizabeth Farrelley is the worst sort of snob. Kingswoods were fine cars too, which served many purposes and carried a crowd well.

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  15. Bradbury has the look of a Funeral Director. He is Juliars yap yap dog.

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  16. 'Patronising' is too masculine a word to use to describe feminists' writings, perhaps they are 'matronising.'

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  17. Kingswood is where a state records are held.

    Hell, it used to be an Army ammo dump!

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  18. FXJ Last sale $0.54 and the Board having to revalue the intangible "assets" that are the Fairfax mastheads.

    We might not have to put up with this crap for much longer.

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    Replies
    1. Yeah, they just might give the carcass to Gina if she'd promise to get the smelly thing off the lot and dump it.

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  19. Prof. Bunyip,
    considering your obvious distaste of the kind of journalism served by the Sydney Morning Herald, it always confuses me how you can't just let farrelly and co. get on with the job of alienating the very last smh subscriber west of balmain. Your poignant commentary might just be what gets the silly back on track ;)

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  20. Does one reach an age when one should not frequent Archives for fear of becoming inventory?

    The Irish Lion

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